Rewarding kids can be a contentious issue. Some argue that handing out kids rewards for either performing tasks that should otherwise be expected, or to get your kids to do something, is tantamount to bribery or even encourages materialism. Others (including myself) strongly argue that offering rewards for kids to perform certain chores, to stop certain behaviors, or to encourage new and better behaviors, is an effective parenting tool (of course following established rules, and being appropriate with the kids rewards you offer).

The truth is that both sides of the argument has merit. It’s true that we need to regulate how we reward our children to prevent falling into the realm of “bribery”, as it is also true that offering kids rewards using a structured reward plan, is both effective and ethical.

For those parents who have those very legitimate concerns that rewarding kids can often equate to bribery, and also for those parents whose reward plans such as using reward charts, sometimes pushes into that grey area between bribery and rewarding kids, here are some guides to prevent bribery and prevent the issue of materialism:

Kids Rewards: Practices to Prevent Materialism

• Only hand over the agreed reward after the task has been completed, or the behavior has been followed.

• Choose and offer kids rewards that aren’t materialistic at heart. For example extra story or play time, or a trip to the beach etc.

• Consider using larger kids rewards or more generous rewards for those problems that you know will require a very big effort from your child. This may be a behavior or habit that is very hard to give up or very uncomfortable to carry out. For example thumb sucking, wearing glasses in class despite teasing, or forgoing time with their friends to go to out-of-school tutoring.

• Don’t forget that you should be considered a reward for your kids as well. Your time and attention can be an extremely powerful motivator and one that should never be underestimated, especially for younger children. Offer your time for games, activities, story telling, camping, fishing, picnicking, baking a cake, etc.

Being sensible about the kids rewards you offer, how you administer the reward process, and recognizing that a parents time and attention can be rewarding in and of itself, can help to avoid the slippery slope of materialism and bribery.

This is particularly true for those parents who are still skeptical about the process of handing over anything that could be considered a material reward. For those on this side of the argument, a reward plan will work just as well (some might suggest better) by offering only non-material rewards for kids. Always keep in mind that a well designed reward plan will be flexible enough to allow for all strategies for establishing kids rewards.

Using reward charts or other positive reinforcement tools, can be extremely effective. They allow for a child to be involved in the entire process of establishing a reward plan, and can include deciding what behavior goals to target, what will be the rewards on offer and how the reward chart will be designed and displayed. This is a powerful way to approach using a reward chart or other similar strategies (for example behavior contracts and using a token economy), because it gives your child a sense of ownership over the process….and this acts as a great motivator.

It must also be said that a reward chart also gives a child a perfect opportunity to really “see” their behavior from a different angle and how those behaviors relate to the goal of the reward chart. Simply, it gives them a chance to focus on their behavior.

Similarly reward charts give parents the opportunity to actively look for good, better or more appropriate behaviors and to acknowledge them appropriately. This is particularly important when we consider that these behaviors are usually more subtle and less obtrusive as compared with the brashness of bad behavior.

Reward Charts as a Cure-for-All??

So, reward charts are powerful?….Yes!

Reward charts are a creative approach to behavior change?….Yes!

Reward charts allow for children to self examine, actively appraise, and to moderate their behavior?..Yes!

Reward charts can inspire kids to “do better”, and for parents to “look for better”….Well, yes!

Reward charts can be the perfect conduit for any behavior change?…Well…No.

Let me explain…

Some types of behavior, or habits, or even when you are attempting to introduce more appropriate behaviors, are perfectly suited for using a reward chart. For example brushing teeth, feeding the dog every afternoon, packing away toys, being ready for school at a certain time each morning, are all illustrative of behavior that can easily be measured, accomplished and duly rewarded. Most of us would perhaps consider such goals as very achievable, especially with the added incentive of a reward chart.

However sometimes a certain behavior can be so ingrained and so deep-seated that whatever incentive a reward chart can offer is very quickly extinguished when a child keeps hitting those invisible “barriers”.  And sometimes children are sophisticated enough to have that deep-down recognition that they can’t change a behavior that has been with them for so long. Or even that they are being asked to do something that to them may seem so far away, so unattainable. And to make things even more difficult, these are usually things that a child will want to change.

Using a reward chart in these situations may require a bit more of a long-term approach. The reward chart can be used to progress a part way along the behavior change path. Using this approach a child has the opportunity to experience the positives of achieving a goal without the demoralizing set-back of failing to achieve an unrealistic behavior change goal.

For example a child who is habitually aggressive toward their siblings, might respond well to the goal of limiting their aggressive outbursts, rather than attempting to eradicate the behavior completely in one reward chart attempt. Using a series of reward charts over a period of weeks or months, with each designed to take a further step toward eliminating the aggressive behavior, might achieve a much greater and more permanent result.

Hopefully I have established that reward charts are a fantastically effective behavior modification tool, and they can be so much fun for both children and parents alike. They can be highly adaptive, and can be used in a multitude of different situations and environments, targeting a wide variety of behaviors and behavior change goals.

However in some situations, with some children, their effectiveness can be diminished according to the strength of the “barriers” to any positive behavior change. Sometimes these children can be coaxed along the path to changing particularly ingrained or contrary behavior, one small step, one small accomplishment at a time…which can be simply fantastic!

Remember, reward charts should NEVER be considered the panacea for all bad behavior, nor for all contrary behavior, or even for changing all unhealthy habits. They are a TOOL that parents can use, amongst an arsenal of tools that a parent should have at their disposal. And here I don’t just mean products, items, and behavior change tools, but also other positive parenting approaches such as modeling good behavior (observational learning), positive praise, positive discipline, love, caring and empathy.

Always keep in mind that sometimes a child will require professional help to empower them to break those ingrained, damaging, destructive, or inhibiting behaviors or habits. Recognizing these may require not only our own understanding and knowledge of our child, but also by getting input from their teachers, family doctors, baby-sitters, and other family members.

Many parents use reward charts as a fun way to keep their child’s behavior in check, and have done so over a period of time, while other parents start with a reward chart as a last resort when their child’s behavior has become intolerable.

However it is that you came to the decision to start using reward charts for your children, rest assured that it can be an effective behavior change tool when used fairly and diligently, and more than likely you come into the reward plan with some behavior change goals in mind.

Maybe you’re at your wits end with a child who refuses to eat, or another who has bedtime issues, or maybe you just want a parenting tool which can help you gently encourage your child toward more appropriate behaviors.

An important element of successfully using reward charts for children is to have behavior change goals set in place BEFORE the reward chart has started. The behavior change that you wish to target when using reward charts might be obvious in the case of a poor eater or a bedtime tyrant, but outside of a few common behavior issues such as these, many of us might be challenged to find a significant number of behavior change goals that can be targeting with a reward chart.

Sometimes you can find inspiration by watching your own child’s bad behavior, or good behavior you wish to encourage, or even by observing the interaction between your child and others, or by recognizing traits in others that you would like your child to follow.

Examples of Behavior Change Goals When Using Reward Charts:

• using manners
• going to bed without hassles at bedtime
• using tissues rather than your sleeve
• sharing with friends
• brushing teeth
• eating all your dinner
• allowing others to go first
• getting dressed quickly
• picking up toys and clothes
• reduce whining
• no more thumb sucking or nail biting
• no arguments at bath-time
• controlling tantrums
• not interrupting when others are speaking
• completing homework on time
• completing chores
• no more fighting with brothers or sisters
• showing kindness to others
• getting ready for school on time
• helping when not asked
• respecting the property of others
• ……….

Of course this list of behavior goals could just about be infinite, and you’ll notice that it includes not only behaviors that you want to get rid of, but also those positive behaviors you want to encourage. The list of behaviors that you come up with for use with your reward charts will be specific to your child, but might include many of the examples given above.

Also if you think back to the reward chart rules, you’ll remember that it’s best to only target one or two behavior change goals at a time, otherwise you run the risk of overwhelming your child and lessening the chances of success with the reward charts.

Using reward charts to encourage behavior change in our children can be a highly effective behavior change tool, but what happens when the reward charts lose their power, or they stop working? Or what if the the reward charts never really started working for your child in the first place? What course of action should be taken when this happens?

Firstly lets look at some of the reason why the reward charts might not be working or why they might be loosing their effectiveness.

Why the Reward Charts Might Not be Working

• Your child might simply be too young to start with such a reward plan: Using a reward chart requires your child to have a handle on a few fundamentals such as patience, the difference between “now” and “later”, self control, and delaying their gratification. When these things are lacking the effectiveness of the reward chart will be limited.

• The reward isn’t enticing enough: The kick-start to the reward chart is the motivation your child has in wanting to complete the behavior chart. Of course the main aim of a reward chart is to tap into your child’s “inner motivation”, but that’s a developing process. To effectively start and maintain a reward plan your child needs to desire the reward.

• The behavior is too hard for your child to change at the moment: Sometimes your behavior change expectations are too high. Your child might be too young, they might be affected by other things happening in their life (starting school, new baby in the house, divorce etc), or other tensions in the house which may be preventing the reward chart working to it’s full effect. Dealing with these underlying feeling first will help the reward plan. Sometimes setting the bar a little lower might also be considered.

• Not everyone is consistent with the reward plan: Could it be that other adults and care-givers in your child’s life aren’t completely on the same page when it come to administering the rewards chart? If you’re being consistent with your expectations, praise, and rewarding but some other significant adult isn’t, then the full effect of using reward charts will not be realized.

• You’re trying to stop or change behaviors that others are performing: It’s unlikely that you child will stick with the reward plan for very long if others are doing what they’re meant to stop. For example are they expected to stop hitting if their older sibling hits, or do they stop using inappropriate language if Dad let’s a few expletives slip around them?

• Your child is attached to your response to their bad behavior: This can be a tough concept to grasp, but often a child becomes attached to negative attention. It can easily become their “pay-off”. It stems from the concept that any attention given from a parent is an extremely powerful motivator.

• Your child’s personality might be a factor: Some kids hate the feeling of being “controlled”, and might consider a reward plan an attempt to control them. It’s true that using reward charts are in some ways an attempt of controlling our kids – for example “if you stop doing that then I’ll give you this”. The trick is to enhance your child’s Independence throughout the whole process. Put the control firmly back in their hands, then it becomes “their” decision to stick with the reward plan and reap the benefits.

Our next article will deal with ways of troubleshooting the reward charts when they don’t appear to be working and providing some example of how to get them back on track.

Reward plans are great. Used with respect and consistency, a good reward plan can be highly effective in targeting and eliminating problem behaviors. A reward plan can include reward charts, token economy, behavior contracts, rewards, stickers, certificates, tokens, tickets, and so on… As long as it is a structured and observable, you can really use your imagination.

Although we sell great reward chart packages and a fantastic reward coins token economy on this website, with a good imagination, and the material and effort to make it, almost anyone can put together a good reward plan.

Here are some steps that are useful to follow:

1. Work Out What Behavior Problem To Tackle

• You may want to work on changing many behavioral problems but the best chance of success lies in your choosing one or two at a time.

• It’s important not to overwhelm your child, and it’s always helpful if your child recognizes the troublesome behavior.

• Be specific with the behaviors you want to target. a “tidy room” may mean different things to you and your child. “toys off the floor, bed made, tidy desk, and clothes in the hamper” are specific and clear targets for both parties.

• Make the reward plan easily achievable to start with. For example keeping a tidy room may start with rewarding the act of putting shoes away, or straitening bed covers. This gives your child a taste of success, builds their confidence in the reward plan, and makes success more likely. Also remember that while delayed gratification is an important lesson to learn, this ability takes time for children to develop, particularly with younger children – in other words don’t make it too long before they reach their goal.

2. Select a Reward Plan (Reward Charts or Tokens) and the Reward On Offer

• Pick a reward chart theme that matches your child’s personality and interests (this will help with their motivation). Most times children appreciate being a part of this process. Also the number of sticker spots on a reward chart might relate to your child’s age or stage of development (for example our reward charts come in 10 or 20 sticker spot versions).

• Many children (especially older children) will respond better to token or tickets (more on token economy system here).
• Choose rewards that will interest and motivate your children. It can be very useful to involve your children during this process, or even to provide a list of rewards on offer for your child to choose from (what rewards to offer), however it’s important to keep control here. Don’t give in to outlandish requests, or offer rewards in moments of desperation.

3. Introduce The Reward Plan With Your Children

• While it’s fair to say that generally young kids accept a reward plan easily, often older kids can be a bit more difficult (..maybe I should use the world “worldly” here ) In these cases involve your children in the process. Give them the chance to negotiate (if appropriate), and let them know that it’s a joint effort, it’s not just you in control of this ship.

4. Follow Through With the Reward Plan

• Be consistent and stick with the spirit of the reward plan. If your child agreed to brush their teeth every night before bed, then hold them to it. If they refuse, offer them your sympathies that they won’t be earning a sticker or token, and remind them they will have another chance to earn the sticker tomorrow night. Often their refusal will be their way of “testing” the integrity of the reward plan, and to check how serious you’re taking it. If that’s the message they’re getting, then they will move forward.
• Even when you’re feeling particularly worn out and tired, and your children are especially grumpy, try to stick with the plan.
• If you’re being worn down or your child is loosing motivation, try not to just stop the reward plan halfway through. Use the “hump” as an opportunity to sit down with your child and talk with them. Maybe there’s other issues holding them back. Being honest and upfront can be a great way to connect with your child, reconnect with the reward plan, to re-establish the goals, and to get back to it.
• Always keep in mind that a reward plan should be a positive experience. Avoid fighting with your children over the plan, don’t belittle or efforts, or tell them off for failing to earn a sticker or token. As hard as it might be try and keep your frustrations away from the reward plan. Finding other avenues to vent can be useful (I hear boxercise can be fantastic for this )

5. Ending the Reward Plan

• Recognizing their effort in completing the reward plan is fitting, and often all that is required. A “well done!”, “I’m proud of you!”, or “good for you!” comment can really go a long way. As a part of our reward charts package we offer a number of “I did it!” certificates that your child can collect, put on the wall or in a scrapbook, and reflect on their efforts. Or making your own certificates is easy and can really “round out” the reward plan.
• You should also be delivering the earned reward as promptly as possible – your child has earned it.
• Avoid using the earned reward as leverage for future confrontations (for different behaviors). For example if your child has earned a sleepover, game, or extra playtime before bed, then it would be against the spirit of the reward plan to take away that item or reward (as long as they are keeping the targeted behavior in check). If there are more behavior problems to deal with, then start the process again. If their earned reward stays intact, then they will be even more trusting of the process next time around.

Choosing rewards for kids is as important as choosing the behaviors and goals for the reward chart. Involve your child in this process as much as you can, with the understanding that if your child doesn’t like the incentive or reward, then there will be little motivation. Also consider that the more your child is involved in the planning process leading up to the use of the reward chart, then the more “ownership” they will feel, which will give them a greater desire to see it through.

With younger ones you might consider offering them a list of rewards for kids to choose from. Using material rewards is fine, but understand that the use of non-material rewards is just as important, and in fact can be much more of a powerful motivation for our kids. For example an activity with parents can be particularly rewarding for kids (any time spent with parents is much more important to children than we might acknowledge).

The following list of rewards for kids are suggestions only, and is limited only by your imagination. Generally material rewards should be kept small and inexpensive, but there may be times when a child is overcoming such a large hurdle that it may be appropriate to offer larger, more expensive items. Whichever rewards are chosen to use for our kids however, never underestimate how important your time is for your children.

Smaller rewards for kids may be:

• Crayons, paper, pencils, coloring-in books.

• Bag of marbles.

• Small toy such as plastic animals, cars etc.

• Hire a DVD of your child’s choice.

• Special treat in lunchbox.

• Choosing breakfast, dessert etc.

• Special snack after school.

• Visit to the 2 dollar shop.

Special treats at home as rewards:

• Using the telephone.

• Playing dress ups.

• Having a sleepover with a friend.

• Choosing a TV program.

• Making play-dough.

• Making a cake with mum or dad.

• Planting a pot plant.

Special treats outside home:

• Staying with friends or family.

• Trip to the park.

• Picnic.

• Going to the movies.

• Riding bike.

• Visit the zoo.

• Go swimming.

• Visit the duckpond.

• Going to the beach.

Special rewards for kids involving parents:

• Making biscuits or a cake.

• Extra bedtime story.

• Doing puzzle/craft activities.

• Extra playtime with mum or dad.

• Watching favorite TV program with mum or dad.

Another creative way of using the reward system or reward plan is to have a lucky-dip consisting of many activities written on small separate pieces of paper which your child randomly picks, or one of many small items, such as small toys, pencils, bouncing balls, marbles, toy soldiers, hair clips, bubbles etc. A lucky-dip is always a sure-fire way to excite kids.

Whatever we offer as rewards for kids it is important that they motivate our kids, engage them, appropriately reflects their efforts, and are deliverable.

• Your child’s self-esteem will be enhanced. When attention is paid to children’s good behaviors rather than concentrating on the bad ones, children feel better about themselves. They see themselves as appreciated. They experience a sense of accomplishment as they work toward and achieve their goals. At every point of recognition their self-image will grow.

• Children have a natural, innate desire to become independent. When using a reward chart children can exercise that need for independence, they can choose to behave in a way that will bring them closer to, and achieve their reward. The distinction is that they are responding to their own desire to reach their reward, not to your demands that they behave the way you want them too. With a behavior chart in use, it is not your desires that are paramount, but rather your child’s and they will feel it that way. Now unburdened with “do this” and “do that”, they are left to make choices of their own.

• The interplay between you and your child become more enjoyable. When children are trapped in patterns of poor behaviours, or the “negative cycle”, they often drag their parents into that same “negative cycle”. Parents can respond badly in this situation – when a child is rude or behaves poorly, often parents can snap back, criticize, threaten, or generally withdraw their affection, and your child will further respond to this, or withdraw into themselves. This pattern repeats itself, and the cycle continues on and on. Adopting the principles of positive reinforcement coupled with a reward based strategy can put a stop to this.

• You allow your child to experience the satisfaction and pleasure of working toward a goal, while there is an underlying lesson of delayed gratification taking place.

There are many rules that may be followed in order to allow for the best opportunity of success, but there are three very important principles that underlie the successful use of reward charts.

• Be Positive: Studies have consistently shown that positive incentives and positive reinforcement are very effective in developing change in behavior. These have also demonstrated how a consistent flow of negative comments, criticizing and punishing your child can adversely effect the self-esteem of your child, and damages the chance for children to respond to the opportunities of positive learning that parents are trying to create. The effective use of our reward charts allow for the parents to emphasize the positives in their child’s behavior.

• Be Consistent: Critical to the success of our reward charts is in being consistent in the reinforcing of good behavior. Without being overbearing, find opportunities to consistently remind your child about the chart and what it is all about (remember the chart is meant to be fun, keep this in mind when reminding your child), and keep the chart in a central and visible location to help with your child’s and your awareness of the chart and the related outcomes. Be consistent with the allocation of stickers and keep up your side of the bargain when handing out the rewards. This will demonstrate to your child that you are serious about using the reward charts and will help develop and maintain your child’s trust in using the reward chart system, and in turn develop and maintain your child’s motivation and focus.

• Be Realistic: It is vital when setting goals that they are realistic and attainable. A child will quickly become overwhelmed if you expect too big a change too quickly. Be sure to set goals for good behavior that are comfortably demanding and allow for success if your child puts in a reasonable amount of effort. Always consider the age of your child as well as their emotional and psychical developmental stage.

Almost all of the following rules are underpinned by these three critical principles. Some are self-explanatory and some may require further thought. Some may not completely apply to your child (for example, if your child is older, he may not respond positively to constant reminders or to constant overt praise). Some are repeated in various forms but all in their way are important to varying degrees (according to your child’s personality and their personal level of development).

The Reward Chart Rules (in no particular order)

• Keeping it simple is best. No more than one to three charts at a time.

• Explain ahead of time, how the reward chart will be used.

• Involve your child in choosing the rewards ahead of using the chart. This will give your child a sense of involvement and ownership over the process of using the reward chart.

• Never take away stickers for misbehavior. Reward charts are a positive behavior strategy. Once they’ve earned the sticker it’s theirs to keep. If they don’t earn a sticker and become argumentative, or become upset, express sadness that they didn’t get it, emphasize that another chance will come along soon, and then move on.

• Never renege on an agreed to reward. If a child has earned it, then they deserve it. Not following through on the reward will cause mistrust.

• Keep the charts in a highly visible place so they can be seen as a constant positive reminder.

• Be realistic. The charts need to be achievable in relation to the child’s age and development. Children will become disheartened quickly if the expectations placed on them are too high too soon.

• Strive to be positive, and praise their successes.

• Encourage your child’s involvement before starting a reward chart. It’s important that they are willing to tackle the reward chart, and know how it is going to work.

• When creating tasks for your child, it helps if you make them small and visually observable. This way it is clear to both you and your child that the expectation has been met. The tasks are either done … or they aren’t. For example water the plants, feed the dog, pick up clothes off the floor, wake up with a dry bed etc.

• When establishing the chart and setting the tasks, it’s important to be specific. Avoid generalized descriptions such as “be good”, “be nice to your brother”, “help parents” – tasks like these dis-empower your child because the parent is made the judge of whether the task has been done or not. Stick to things your child can feel a sense of accomplishment for.

• Show consistency. If you show a loss of interest in the reward chart then your child is more likely to lose motivation.

• Be sure that all carers such as parents, grand-parents, child-miners etc, are being consistent when rewarding your child.

• Use lots of verbal praise and stay positive.

• If you ever become seriously concerned about the behavior of your child, always seek consultation from a professional such as a G.P., mental health practitioner, teacher or health visitor etc.