I get a lot of great feedback from parents who have put a reward chart into practice. Most of these parents have been using either my paid reward chart packages or my free reward charts, but many comments have also been from parents who have made and implemented their own charts (Well done!).

Positive feedback is always welcome and it’s fantastic to know that many parents are getting good results from using reward charts with their kids. However it would be remiss of me not to mention that I also receive my fair share of not so positive comments (which believe it or not, I also welcome).

Usually these comments are along the lines of:

“Johnny got bored with it”
“I got bored with it”
“Sara’s behavior wasn’t getting any better”
“I kept on forgetting to award the sticker”
“Freddy kept on asking for bigger and better rewards”
“Kate’s bad behavior is continuing”
……. and so on.

Mostly this feedback echoes the sentiment “The reward charts did not work so I stopped using them.”

These are the same issues that I faced when I started using reward charts. What I came to realize back then, and I still understand today, is that to properly implement a reward chart system (or any other positive parenting strategy) requires your absolute commitment upfront. There shouldn’t be any “I’ll try it and see if it works…” Kids will see through that and part of the magic (and potential) will be lost.

Part of this commitment is knowing how to best implement the reward chart to best suit your child. Some kids will feed off your excitement and your energy and they will be on-board from the get-go. Other kids might be a bit more skeptical and standoffish. It’s how you approach the reward chart implementation while keeping in mind the different personality types that can greatly improve the chances of reward chart success.

Some Considerations For the Success of a Reward Chart

• A reward chart is NOT a magic bullet solution to bad behavior.

• Reward charts just may not work with some kids…that’s OK…there’s plenty of other positive parenting strategies out there that will work for our children!

• Try to achieve the mindset that a reward chart isn’t a solution, rather a tool that can help in behavior change goals.

• Often us parents are the cause of an unsuccessful  reward chart…often we are just too half-hearted (lack of commitment) and our naturally perceptive kids pick up on that.

• Be open to the guidance that can be found in the reward chart rules and principles.

• And importantly, be persistent, but if the reward charts are just not working, try something else….there’s no real “DO THIS/DO THAT” set of rules when it comes to positive parenting.

In my eyes being a truly positive parent means creating a loving, healthy, safe, and positive environment, where kids get to see and feel the results of their good behavior and conversely get to see and feel the results of their bad behavior…Within this environment find what works for you and your child. If it’s using reward charts…Great! if it’s using some other techniques…Great also!

However, give it the best shot to make your reward chart work…be positive, committed, and let your kids see this. If you can change YOUR mindset (and sometimes this only needs to be a slight change) then you might find that reward charts will give you the fantastic result you were wishing for.

Who said parenting was meant to be easy…It isn’t! Truth is parenting can be hard, challenging, heart wrenching, difficult, demoralizing, overwhelming and tiring…… But also wonderful, heart warming, joyous, awe-inspiring, satisfying and enlightening. The art of positive parenting is to foster a positive family environment where we spend more time feeling buoyant rather than demoralized, and where we can empower our children to be self-sufficient, independent and responsible. Why not tip the family balance toward wonderful and satisfying and away from difficult and demoralizing.

Sure there will be plenty of difficult moments, but when we choose to parent with love, respect, positive reinforcement, and yes, positive discipline, we can help guide our children in their choices and their patterns of behavior. Parenting should never be about making kids feel bad about themselves, but rather about allowing our kids to do good…to do right…to make mistakes without fear of ridicule or retribution…and to feel good about themselves and the choices they make.

The base concept of positive parenting

• Children will ultimately respond better to positive consequences.
• Behavior is either strengthened or weakened by it’s consequences.

Having an understanding of these proven and measurable behavioral principles allows parents to shape behavior positively, to encourage better behavior and choices, and to lessen inappropriate behavior.

Isn’t positive parenting just a cliché?

No. It’s a very real parenting choice we make that can better our children, improve their outlook and behavior, enhance our relationships with our children, and can make us feel better and more confident in our role as parents. And remember, positive parenting isn’t about raising perfect children – that just won’t happen. I like to think about it as percolating our kids in a nurturing and supportive environment, to raise good kids to become good adults.

There are many principles, strategies and tools to help guide us in our positive parenting endeavors, many of which can be found throughout this website. The concepts are simple, the practice quickly becomes natural, and the benefits for you and your children can be amazing. All that is required is the desire to be a better parent, and the consistency to make it work.

There are many tools and strategies that we can use to shape or modify our child’s behavior. As you browse our website you will come across many of these, but one of the most powerful strategies is taking advantage of what is known as observational learning (also commonly known as social learning or modeling). As a concept it involves participating and exhibiting those behaviors we want our children to exhibit.

The Power of Observational Learning

• Observational Learning takes advantage of a child’s natural observational skills, their curiosity, their innate desire to please, and their basic “humanness” in their social connection.
• Possibly the most powerful strategy in modifying or shaping behavior.
• A child naturally observes and models the behaviors of those closest to them. For example a child who constantly observes politeness and kindness in their parents, and how others respond positively to it, is more likely to exhibit these behaviors. Likewise a child who constantly witnesses yelling and bullying in those closest to them are more likely to take on these behaviors when dealing with others.
• Observational Learning takes place automatically. Good or bad, children will learn from the example they witness, particularly from those closest to them. As a parent, your behavior will be the most influential example your child has, particularly while they are younger. Make it a good, strong and positive example.

Setting a positive example for our children to follow, is particularly important at an early age. It’s at this stage of a child’s development that they are most exclusively attached to our social connection (parent/child).

As children grow older, they are exposed to larger social connections and take their behavioral cues from a much wider social group. As your child grows older, particularly approaching and during adolescence, the influence of the examples you set will become less important. Understand that this is also a normal part of growing up and is related to a child’s need to establish their independence.

In practice observational learning as it applies to children, can be one of the most simple parenting strategies and at the same time one of the most difficult. While a seemingly simple process, as any parent knows, at times this would be an extremely difficult principle to follow. Our human nature dictates that we are not perfect as people and we are certainly not perfect as parents, but having an awareness of this concept will make us better parents, more often.

Remember, above all else, and with every effort, set a constant and positive example.

From a very early age, children learn the associations between behaviors and consequences. The strategy of positive reinforcement is simply to utilize these associations to shape behavior by providing our children with pleasant consequences for engaging in desired behavior.

Creating an environment of positive reinforcement

• There are many ways to acknowledge good/appropriate behaviors such as by using praise and encouragement, or by using behavior management tools such as reward charts, token economies, behavior contracts and certificates.
• Create a positive learning atmosphere around your child. Guide them toward appropriate behaviors by reinforcing their good behaviors. Recognize their efforts. Respond to their attempts.
• Ignore their bad or inappropriate behaviors (remember attention is a powerful motivator for children. If you constantly “tell off” your child you are in effect rewarding them with your attention and it is likely that the unwanted behaviors will continue.)

Why use positive reinforcement?

• Positive reinforcement allows our children to feel good about themselves.
• The strategy of positive reinforcement with children is a valuable, effective, and credentialed method of shaping behavior and is used extensively throughout the specialist childhood services, including mental health, medicine and education.
• Positive reinforcement is an accepted and healthy strategy to shape behavior. You are not relying on physical or verbal punishment for short-term compliance.
• The practice of making our kids feel good about themselves rather than bad about themselves, creates a very powerful foundation for our children’s’ positive self-image. This can follow them through childhood, into adolescence, and into adulthood.
• As a strategy to resolve bad or inappropriate behaviors, positive reinforcement, used consistently, is effective for promoting long-term behavioral change. It is not a quick fix solution, and it is not restricted to just short-term gain.
• Utilizing the approach of positive reinforcement, encourages us to be on the lookout for good behavior. Often we overlook desired behaviors because they are not troublesome, and we respond more often to undesired behaviors. Positive reinforcement allows us parents to “catch” ourselves when we fall into this pattern.