Being the best parent that you can be, and raising your children to be the best people they can be, is THE MOST important responsibility you will have in your life… I believe this wholeheartedly, without reservation, unequivocally, absolutely, and without doubt (…OK, OK, I’m sure you’ve got the point!)

The thing is, most new parents, and even the seasoned pros, aren’t given that magical “parenting checklist” or that “fail-safe parental blueprint” when we start out on this wonderful, fantastic, frustrating, overwhelming, joyous, heart-breaking, demoralizing, and uplifting journey called parenting.

The truth is, when we go home from the hospital with our new bundle of joy, all full of optimism, hope, and inspiration, most of us are oblivious to the worry, heartache, confusion, and difficulty that we will inevitably face. As our children grow, develop, and mature, their needs will change, their natural desire for independence will grow, and they will be influenced more-and-more by the world “outside” of you!

When these moments do come (and they will), having the right knowledge, tools, and attitude, coupled with your own strong desire to be a good parent (and of course your love), will put you in the perfect place to make strong, wise, and positive parenting decisions.

Pre-arming yourself with awareness, strategies, techniques, and planning, will ensure that you are not just “winging” it when it comes to making wise parenting decisions during some of the most important and influential years of both yours and your child’s life.

Fantastic Parenting Strategies For Behavior Change

So, what are some of the strategies, techniques, and planning that you can follow to give your child a solid base to grow from?

Well here at RewardingKids, our focus is on providing parents with the sort of parenting strategies, tips, and tools that relate specifically to areas of parenting such as:

• Positive discipline
  The concept of consequence, solutions instead of punishment, respect through kindness whilst being firm, timeout.

• Behavior modification techniques
  Observational learning (modeling, social learning), behavior change through positive reinforcement.

• Positive parenting
  Effective use of positive discipline, creating and nurturing a positive learning environment, effective and appropriate praising, parenting with love and respect.

• Positive reinforcement tools
  Reward charts, token economy, chore charts, behavior contracts, behavior charts.

• Child behavior
  Stages of child development, child behavior problems, when to be concerned, what’s normal anyway?

And as you browse further throughout this site (IF you browse further ), you will find the two fundamental concepts that resonate are:

…Children will ultimately respond better to positive consequences.
…Behavior is either strengthened or weakened by it’s consequences.

While navigating the complexities of parenthood, child behavior, and raising children, can at times seem overwhelming, it is important to remember that ultimately YOU are the expert on YOUR child. Sure, child behavior experts have devoted decades into studying and researching the various child behavioral fields, yet there are still many contrary opinions and practices.

Having good information, the right focus, and the right inclination can help negate the overwhelm that we all experience as parents. Listen to the experts, take their advice, but at the end-of-the-day have faith in your parenting… After all, who knows your child as well as you?

I get a lot of great feedback from parents who have put a reward chart into practice. Most of these parents have been using either my paid reward chart packages or my free reward charts, but many comments have also been from parents who have made and implemented their own charts (Well done!).

Positive feedback is always welcome and it’s fantastic to know that many parents are getting good results from using reward charts with their kids. However it would be remiss of me not to mention that I also receive my fair share of not so positive comments (which believe it or not, I also welcome).

Usually these comments are along the lines of:

“Johnny got bored with it”
“I got bored with it”
“Sara’s behavior wasn’t getting any better”
“I kept on forgetting to award the sticker”
“Freddy kept on asking for bigger and better rewards”
“Kate’s bad behavior is continuing”
……. and so on.

Mostly this feedback echoes the sentiment “The reward charts did not work so I stopped using them.”

These are the same issues that I faced when I started using reward charts. What I came to realize back then, and I still understand today, is that to properly implement a reward chart system (or any other positive parenting strategy) requires your absolute commitment upfront. There shouldn’t be any “I’ll try it and see if it works…” Kids will see through that and part of the magic (and potential) will be lost.

Part of this commitment is knowing how to best implement the reward chart to best suit your child. Some kids will feed off your excitement and your energy and they will be on-board from the get-go. Other kids might be a bit more skeptical and standoffish. It’s how you approach the reward chart implementation while keeping in mind the different personality types that can greatly improve the chances of reward chart success.

Some Considerations For the Success of a Reward Chart

• A reward chart is NOT a magic bullet solution to bad behavior.

• Reward charts just may not work with some kids…that’s OK…there’s plenty of other positive parenting strategies out there that will work for our children!

• Try to achieve the mindset that a reward chart isn’t a solution, rather a tool that can help in behavior change goals.

• Often us parents are the cause of an unsuccessful  reward chart…often we are just too half-hearted (lack of commitment) and our naturally perceptive kids pick up on that.

• Be open to the guidance that can be found in the reward chart rules and principles.

• And importantly, be persistent, but if the reward charts are just not working, try something else….there’s no real “DO THIS/DO THAT” set of rules when it comes to positive parenting.

In my eyes being a truly positive parent means creating a loving, healthy, safe, and positive environment, where kids get to see and feel the results of their good behavior and conversely get to see and feel the results of their bad behavior…Within this environment find what works for you and your child. If it’s using reward charts…Great! if it’s using some other techniques…Great also!

However, give it the best shot to make your reward chart work…be positive, committed, and let your kids see this. If you can change YOUR mindset (and sometimes this only needs to be a slight change) then you might find that reward charts will give you the fantastic result you were wishing for.

Many parents use reward charts as a fun way to keep their child’s behavior in check, and have done so over a period of time, while other parents start with a reward chart as a last resort when their child’s behavior has become intolerable.

However it is that you came to the decision to start using reward charts for your children, rest assured that it can be an effective behavior change tool when used fairly and diligently, and more than likely you come into the reward plan with some behavior change goals in mind.

Maybe you’re at your wits end with a child who refuses to eat, or another who has bedtime issues, or maybe you just want a parenting tool which can help you gently encourage your child toward more appropriate behaviors.

An important element of successfully using reward charts for children is to have behavior change goals set in place BEFORE the reward chart has started. The behavior change that you wish to target when using reward charts might be obvious in the case of a poor eater or a bedtime tyrant, but outside of a few common behavior issues such as these, many of us might be challenged to find a significant number of behavior change goals that can be targeting with a reward chart.

Sometimes you can find inspiration by watching your own child’s bad behavior, or good behavior you wish to encourage, or even by observing the interaction between your child and others, or by recognizing traits in others that you would like your child to follow.

Examples of Behavior Change Goals When Using Reward Charts:

• using manners
• going to bed without hassles at bedtime
• using tissues rather than your sleeve
• sharing with friends
• brushing teeth
• eating all your dinner
• allowing others to go first
• getting dressed quickly
• picking up toys and clothes
• reduce whining
• no more thumb sucking or nail biting
• no arguments at bath-time
• controlling tantrums
• not interrupting when others are speaking
• completing homework on time
• completing chores
• no more fighting with brothers or sisters
• showing kindness to others
• getting ready for school on time
• helping when not asked
• respecting the property of others
• ……….

Of course this list of behavior goals could just about be infinite, and you’ll notice that it includes not only behaviors that you want to get rid of, but also those positive behaviors you want to encourage. The list of behaviors that you come up with for use with your reward charts will be specific to your child, but might include many of the examples given above.

Also if you think back to the reward chart rules, you’ll remember that it’s best to only target one or two behavior change goals at a time, otherwise you run the risk of overwhelming your child and lessening the chances of success with the reward charts.

From a very early age, children learn the associations between behaviors and consequences. The strategy of positive reinforcement is simply to utilize these associations to shape behavior by providing our children with pleasant consequences for engaging in desired behavior.

Creating an environment of positive reinforcement

• There are many ways to acknowledge good/appropriate behaviors such as by using praise and encouragement, or by using behavior management tools such as reward charts, token economies, behavior contracts and certificates.
• Create a positive learning atmosphere around your child. Guide them toward appropriate behaviors by reinforcing their good behaviors. Recognize their efforts. Respond to their attempts.
• Ignore their bad or inappropriate behaviors (remember attention is a powerful motivator for children. If you constantly “tell off” your child you are in effect rewarding them with your attention and it is likely that the unwanted behaviors will continue.)

Why use positive reinforcement?

• Positive reinforcement allows our children to feel good about themselves.
• The strategy of positive reinforcement with children is a valuable, effective, and credentialed method of shaping behavior and is used extensively throughout the specialist childhood services, including mental health, medicine and education.
• Positive reinforcement is an accepted and healthy strategy to shape behavior. You are not relying on physical or verbal punishment for short-term compliance.
• The practice of making our kids feel good about themselves rather than bad about themselves, creates a very powerful foundation for our children’s’ positive self-image. This can follow them through childhood, into adolescence, and into adulthood.
• As a strategy to resolve bad or inappropriate behaviors, positive reinforcement, used consistently, is effective for promoting long-term behavioral change. It is not a quick fix solution, and it is not restricted to just short-term gain.
• Utilizing the approach of positive reinforcement, encourages us to be on the lookout for good behavior. Often we overlook desired behaviors because they are not troublesome, and we respond more often to undesired behaviors. Positive reinforcement allows us parents to “catch” ourselves when we fall into this pattern.