However it is that you came to the decision to start using reward charts for your children, rest assured that it can be an effective behavior change tool when used fairly and diligently, and more than likely you come into the reward plan with some behavior change goals in mind.

Maybe you’re at your wits end with a child who refuses to eat, or another who has bedtime issues, or maybe you just want a parenting tool which can help you gently encourage your child toward more appropriate behaviors.

An important element of successfully using reward charts for children is to have behavior change goals set in place BEFORE the reward chart has started. The behavior change that you wish to target when using reward charts might be obvious in the case of a poor eater or a bedtime tyrant, but outside of a few common behavior issues such as these, many of us might be challenged to find a significant number of behavior change goals that can be targeting with a reward chart.

Sometimes you can find inspiration by watching your own child’s bad behavior, or good behavior you wish to encourage, or even by observing the interaction between your child and others, or by recognizing traits in others that you would like your child to follow.

Examples of Behavior Change Goals When Using Reward Charts:

• using manners
• going to bed without hassles at bedtime
• using tissues rather than your sleeve
• sharing with friends
• brushing teeth
• eating all your dinner
• allowing others to go first
• getting dressed quickly
• picking up toys and clothes
• reduce whining
• no more thumb sucking or nail biting
• no arguments at bath-time
• controlling tantrums
• not interrupting when others are speaking
• completing homework on time
• completing chores
• no more fighting with brothers or sisters
• showing kindness to others
• getting ready for school on time
• helping when not asked
• respecting the property of others
• ……….

Of course this list of behavior goals could just about be infinite, and you’ll notice that it includes not only behaviors that you want to get rid of, but also those positive behaviors you want to encourage. The list of behaviors that you come up with for use with your reward charts will be specific to your child, but might include many of the examples given above.

Also if you think back to the reward chart rules, you’ll remember that it’s best to only target one or two behavior change goals at a time, otherwise you run the risk of overwhelming your child and lessening the chances of success with the reward charts.

Firstly lets look at some of the reason why the reward charts might not be working or why they might be loosing their effectiveness.

Why the Reward Charts Might Not be Working

• Your child might simply be too young to start with such a reward plan: Using a reward chart requires your child to have a handle on a few fundamentals such as patience, the difference between “now” and “later”, self control, and delaying their gratification. When these things are lacking the effectiveness of the reward chart will be limited.

• The reward isn’t enticing enough: The kick-start to the reward chart is the motivation your child has in wanting to complete the behavior chart. Of course the main aim of a reward chart is to tap into your child’s “inner motivation”, but that’s a developing process. To effectively start and maintain a reward plan your child needs to desire the reward.

• The behavior is too hard for your child to change at the moment: Sometimes your behavior change expectations are too high. Your child might be too young, they might be affected by other things happening in their life (starting school, new baby in the house, divorce etc), or other tensions in the house which may be preventing the reward chart working to it’s full effect. Dealing with these underlying feeling first will help the reward plan. Sometimes setting the bar a little lower might also be considered.

• Not everyone is consistent with the reward plan: Could it be that other adults and care-givers in your child’s life aren’t completely on the same page when it come to administering the rewards chart? If you’re being consistent with your expectations, praise, and rewarding but some other significant adult isn’t, then the full effect of using reward charts will not be realized.

• You’re trying to stop or change behaviors that others are performing: It’s unlikely that you child will stick with the reward plan for very long if others are doing what they’re meant to stop. For example are they expected to stop hitting if their older sibling hits, or do they stop using inappropriate language if Dad let’s a few expletives slip around them?

• Your child is attached to your response to their bad behavior: This can be a tough concept to grasp, but often a child becomes attached to negative attention. It can easily become their “pay-off”. It stems from the concept that any attention given from a parent is an extremely powerful motivator.

• Your child’s personality might be a factor: Some kids hate the feeling of being “controlled”, and might consider a reward plan an attempt to control them. It’s true that using reward charts are in some ways an attempt of controlling our kids – for example “if you stop doing that then I’ll give you this”. The trick is to enhance your child’s Independence throughout the whole process. Put the control firmly back in their hands, then it becomes “their” decision to stick with the reward plan and reap the benefits.

Our next article will deal with ways of troubleshooting the reward charts when they don’t appear to be working and providing some example of how to get them back on track.

In those situations it’s easy for us to “second-guess” ourselves when our children start with “but you said…” Usually this confrontation will either end up in us giving in to our child or having an argument with our child about what we may or may not have said!…This is where a well thought out Behavior Contract may come in handy.

Bring on the Behavior Contract

When a behavior contract is implemented a set of expected behaviors or goals are clearly stated, along with any associated rewards. As soon as you hear the words “but you said…” you can simply pull out the contract and refer to it together (avoiding the smugness you may feel ).

An example that may sound familiar to many might go something like this:

“..but you said if I do my homework tonight we can have take-out” and when you both refer to the behavior contract it might actually state “if you do your homework every night this week, we can have take-out on the week-end”.

Hopefully this is where the argument will end. Especially if you both initially set up the behavior contract with a good spirit and intent. You’ve both signed off on the particulars of the contract, you both are willing to hold each other to their obligations of the contract, and you’ve taken the effort to make the whole process of setting up the behavior contract feel “important”.

Sure your child might become sullen when you pull out the contract and show where they’re wrong in their assertion “but you said…”, but if you do it without the “I told you so” attitude and maybe with some gentle encouragement, they will soon stop.

After all you’ve entrusted them with the responsibility of formulating, negotiating and signing an “official” document. In those moments where arguments are brewing, remind your children of this, remind them of their reward, and offer them your positive encouragement.

By treating similar situations in such a way, using a behavior contract really can reduce arguments.

Almost the polar opposite when considering these aggressive behaviors and threats, are the sudden flare-ups. This is where something has triggered an outburst. That trigger may be something outward such as another child picking up a particular toy, or Mom saying “no” to an ice-cream before dinner, or a toy has stopped “working”. Or the trigger may be inward – a reaction to something we can’t see or observe, such as a fear or worry that they have yet to disclose.

Often when aggressive behavior in children is exhibited it can be attributed to their underdeveloped ability to reason or to compromise, and also their inability to effectively verbalize their frustrations.

Common behaviors associated with aggressive children

• Biting
• Hitting
• Kicking
• Threats of physical violence
• bullying and teasing
• Throwing toys
• Breaking possessions
• Yelling
• ……

Some triggers for child aggression

• Anger
• Frustration
• Overzealous play
• Tiredness
• Jealousy
• Being immersed in an aggressive environment
• ……

How to deal with aggressive children

• Supervise your children’s playtime – watch how your child and their peers interact when playing. How are they treating each other? How are they treating their toys? Don’t be afraid to guide them when you notice potential damaging behavior.
• Avoid modelling aggressive behavior yourself – modelling or observational learning is a VERY effective way for children to learn behaviors both good and bad. Your example WILL be followed.
• Let your child know why behavior such as hitting and biting are unacceptable – explain to your aggressive children how the other person must feel. Hurt, sad, lonely, upset …
• Give your child an alternative to aggressive behavior – when they feel themselves becoming angry, or they want to hit and bite, let them know that they can simply say “I’m not playing anymore” or have them move away from the play-group until the anger or frustration fades.
• Give lots of praise – when you notice your child sharing, asking for help, taking turns etc, show them that you appreciate that type of behavior.
• Reprimand when necessary – give your children the opportunity to calm down by themselves, but if that isn’t happening then tell your child to stop the aggressive behavior (eg “stop hitting”), explain why (“it hurts the other person”), and give them an alternative (“if you’re angry, leave the group for awhile”). If the aggressive behavior in children continues than consider using time-out or the like to reinforce your reprimand.
• Don’t re-hash the aggressive behavior in children – reminding your child of their bad behavior once it is over will only serve to make them feel bad about themselves and the behavior will most likely return. Move on and let your child move on.
• Don’t use aggression to stop child aggression – Hitting or yelling shows your child that these actions are suitable methods to deal with similar situations.

The important thing to know is that usually aggressive children can be “cured” of their aggressive behaviors, but like all behavior change strategies it requires planning, guidance, example and patience. However if the child aggression is a constant part of daily routine and play, and it is disruptive or dangerous to their friends and family, then you should never be afraid to ask for professional help.

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Things to consider when changing bad habits in children

1.  Whatever you notice as bad habits in children, might actually be normal stages of a child’s development and might also be typically age appropriate.  For example, your little one is fascinated with the lint in their belly-button, and examine it quite regularly, you may think this is an inappropriate behavior. However it may very well be, that your child simply sees belly-button fluff as interesting.  Your child is going to grow-out-of this fascinating discovery and this bad habit is going to fade away.

2.  Sometimes these so-called “bad habits” in children, might be ways for your child to calm them-selves.  When they might normally want to scream, shout, or cry, they might suck on their sleeve, or tug on their hair tie instead.  This may make him or her feel a sense of calmness and security.

3.  Kids may also use poor habits in order to feel some sense of control over the environment they find themselves in.  For instance when they’ve been dropped off at the childcare center for that very first time, they might start behaving oddly, such as tugging at their pants pockets, or rubbing their clothes.  As time passes, if they continue to feel threatened by the daycare center, then rubbing their clothes or tugging at their pockets could become an entrenched behavior.

4.  Children often behave in a certain way or do things that adults might perceive as “bad”, but in reality the parent might just misunderstand the situation or behavior.  Consider that sometimes, your children are simply just problem solving.  If they have cold hands, they might place their hands in-between their own thighs in order to warm them.  Grown-ups quite often misread this action and over-react.  Should they understand that the problem was the child having cold hands, maybe they would offer a different solution.

5. Punishing and shaming your children will be the worst action you could take.  If your child performs the bad habit in order to soothe and calm themselves, then it will be counter-productive to make them feel bad.  It might just exacerbate the situation and just fuel the behavior further.  It is for these reasons that parents can often become upset and frustrated when making their attempts in changing bad habits in children.

6.  Encouraging behaviors that are more pleasant in place of the annoying, troublesome, or destructive habits will invariably work far better.  You are able to educate your son or daughter to be aware and understand when they are in the midst of a bad habit.  And then, you’ll be able to teach them a replacement behavior to try and do as an alternative.  Every time they do, then positively praise and reward them.

7.  Rewards and incentives can often work when changing bad habits in children.  This is particularly true when they are of an old enough age to think beyond the “now” and can think of the longer-tern of at the least a couple weeks.  You can offer him or her a reward for every-day in which they don’t perform their undesirable habits.  When eventually they’ve stopped the behavior, they are going to have a considerable reward in waiting. More about what rewards you can offer can be found here.

8.  Generally, the most effective reaction you can have is to wait for any bad habits to disappear all by themselves.  Make sure that you don’t reinforce the bad habits by performing them your self, the children ought to grow out of the worrying/bad/inappropriate behaviors.  When they grow older, their peers can make it more appealing for them to quit their bad habits.  It’s true that children prefer to fit in and integrate with their social groups.

A very important factor to consider regarding changing bad habits in children is that you ought not end up being too concerned or alarmed.  Only when these habits and behaviors are damaging or dangerous will it be crucial that you should prevent them straight away.  In any other case, always be understanding as well as calm when dealing with your children’s bad habits.

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But the truth is, in many ways it’s heartening to see the spirit in our children, their fire, their ability to reason and question, and yes, even their occasional outburst. All this can be considered “normal” or perhaps more accurately “usual” child behavior. It’s how our children learn to be assertive, to understand boundaries and consequences (and responsibility), to learn what child behavior is both acceptable and unacceptable, and to develop their sense of independence as they grow older.

The expectations regarding child behavior have changed dramatically over the last 50 years or so, to the point where having a child who blindly follows every command, speaks only when spoken to, and who displays little or no emotion, would be as alarming as the child who refuses all commands, has constant outbursts, shows no respect for others, and who ignores basic social etiquette. When talking about child behavior I guess what most parents want is a child who isn’t “perfect” (in the way of being emotionally stunted), who requires and responds to our guidance, has a voice and is connected to those around them, and a child who shows compassion and respect to others.

Understanding Child Behavior Expectations for Parents

• We can seek to have a general understanding of child behavior, and how it relates to the different age groups and developmental stages of our children.
• Understand the difference between what is “normal” and what we should be concerned about.
• When we need to guide or correct child behavior, and understand the tools and techniques that can help change inappropriate or unhealthy child behavior.
• To recognize when child behavior problems require professional help.
• Understand the importance of how we behave around our children and how it can influence child behavior.
• To understand the nuances in our kids, their personality, their level of development, the family structure and background, and how these factors relate to what would be considered “textbook” child behavior.
• To understand that we are the most influential people in our children’s lives, and that our children learn their behaviors not just from what we say, but from what we do.

Child behavior is complex. In fact child behavior experts devote years of study and research into this field, and still there are varying professional opinions and practices. To make it simple for us parents is to remember that we know our kids better than anyone. We need to have faith in our parenting, but equally, we need to recognize when the behavior of our children needs guiding, and also when we should seek out professional help.

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Sometimes it can seem as though we are constantly being faced with an ever changing field of play when faced with child behavior problems…. do we spank, do we admonish, do we give time-out, do we withdraw privileges, do we ignore, do we jump-up-and-down, do we use some kind of behavior modification program…. the truth is at times we have all these things running through our minds.

We have our parents and grand-parents giving us one set of advice, we have teachers advising us another way, and we have child behavioral experts guiding us in another direction to deal with child behavior problems the “right” way. But the absolute truth is that we know our children better than anyone else, but it’s important for us to have faith in our child-parent relationships, trust in our parenting skills, and love and compassion in our hearts when dealing with problem behaviors in our children.

Now if you’ve spent some time browsing around this website, you’ve probably worked out that I’m not one for handing out black-and-white advice regarding child behavior  discipline and behavior modification. Sure I have strategies that work for me as a parent (I even have products that I sell ), and I also know through experience, research, and just through what my heart tells me, that some methods like physical punishment and yelling, when dealing with child behavior problems, can be damaging or just plain don’t work. But I also know that the fluid nature of parenting can cause stresses that a non-parent might find hard to understand…sometimes parents react in those moments and just do what gives the most immediate relief, be it spanking, bribing, or yelling. Most parents understand those moments, and I’m sure if we are honest, most of us have reacted in similar ways before. I don’t think it’s fair (or helpful) to judge others under these circumstances but it is important to know that there are better ways of dealing with child behavior problems.

Some General Tips About Child Behavior Problems

• Consider that sometimes child behavior problems aren’t actually problems at all. It may be expected behavior common to your child’s age and development level and behaviors that will simply be outgrown.
• Trust in your parenting ability and your “knowledge” of your own child, but being able to recognize when a behavior problem is beyond your help is vital. Sometimes approaching a teacher, GP, or child health professional is the most important thing for you and your child.
• Sometimes what seems “problem” child behavior is appropriate considering the family structure, cultural background, health issues, and other similar specifically personal factors.
• Often there are many different, creative, and effective strategies to deal with child behavior problems. Do your research.
• Have faith that most child behavior problems can be overcome by being consistent when following effective behavior modification strategies.
• Be brutally honest and examine how your behavior may contribute to your childs behavior.
• Sometimes a sudden change in child behavior patterns can indicate underlying issues, such as school bullying, trauma, or coping difficulties. Digging deeper may be necessary.
• It is common knowledge that nutrition and certain food additives can play a part in some child behavior problems.

Child behavior problems can be many and varied, but by being confident in our parenting, open, receptive and consistent, and by recognizing when help is needed, most child behavior problems can be dealt with effectively.

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Although we sell great reward chart packages and a fantastic reward coins token economy on this website, with a good imagination, and the material and effort to make it, almost anyone can put together a good reward plan.

Here are some steps that are useful to follow:

1. Work Out What Behavior Problem To Tackle

• You may want to work on changing many behavioral problems but the best chance of success lies in your choosing one or two at a time.

• It’s important not to overwhelm your child, and it’s always helpful if your child recognizes the troublesome behavior.

• Be specific with the behaviors you want to target. a “tidy room” may mean different things to you and your child. “toys off the floor, bed made, tidy desk, and clothes in the hamper” are specific and clear targets for both parties.

• Make the reward plan easily achievable to start with. For example keeping a tidy room may start with rewarding the act of putting shoes away, or straitening bed covers. This gives your child a taste of success, builds their confidence in the reward plan, and makes success more likely. Also remember that while delayed gratification is an important lesson to learn, this ability takes time for children to develop, particularly with younger children – in other words don’t make it too long before they reach their goal.

2. Select a Reward Plan (Reward Charts or Tokens) and the Reward On Offer

• Pick a reward chart theme that matches your child’s personality and interests (this will help with their motivation). Most times children appreciate being a part of this process. Also the number of sticker spots on a reward chart might relate to your child’s age or stage of development (for example our reward charts come in 10 or 20 sticker spot versions).

• Many children (especially older children) will respond better to token or tickets (more on token economy system here).
• Choose rewards that will interest and motivate your children. It can be very useful to involve your children during this process, or even to provide a list of rewards on offer for your child to choose from (what rewards to offer), however it’s important to keep control here. Don’t give in to outlandish requests, or offer rewards in moments of desperation.

3. Introduce The Reward Plan With Your Children

• While it’s fair to say that generally young kids accept a reward plan easily, often older kids can be a bit more difficult (..maybe I should use the world “worldly” here ) In these cases involve your children in the process. Give them the chance to negotiate (if appropriate), and let them know that it’s a joint effort, it’s not just you in control of this ship.

4. Follow Through With the Reward Plan

• Be consistent and stick with the spirit of the reward plan. If your child agreed to brush their teeth every night before bed, then hold them to it. If they refuse, offer them your sympathies that they won’t be earning a sticker or token, and remind them they will have another chance to earn the sticker tomorrow night. Often their refusal will be their way of “testing” the integrity of the reward plan, and to check how serious you’re taking it. If that’s the message they’re getting, then they will move forward.
• Even when you’re feeling particularly worn out and tired, and your children are especially grumpy, try to stick with the plan.
• If you’re being worn down or your child is loosing motivation, try not to just stop the reward plan halfway through. Use the “hump” as an opportunity to sit down with your child and talk with them. Maybe there’s other issues holding them back. Being honest and upfront can be a great way to connect with your child, reconnect with the reward plan, to re-establish the goals, and to get back to it.
• Always keep in mind that a reward plan should be a positive experience. Avoid fighting with your children over the plan, don’t belittle or efforts, or tell them off for failing to earn a sticker or token. As hard as it might be try and keep your frustrations away from the reward plan. Finding other avenues to vent can be useful (I hear boxercise can be fantastic for this )

5. Ending the Reward Plan

• Recognizing their effort in completing the reward plan is fitting, and often all that is required. A “well done!”, “I’m proud of you!”, or “good for you!” comment can really go a long way. As a part of our reward charts package we offer a number of “I did it!” certificates that your child can collect, put on the wall or in a scrapbook, and reflect on their efforts. Or making your own certificates is easy and can really “round out” the reward plan.
• You should also be delivering the earned reward as promptly as possible – your child has earned it.
• Avoid using the earned reward as leverage for future confrontations (for different behaviors). For example if your child has earned a sleepover, game, or extra playtime before bed, then it would be against the spirit of the reward plan to take away that item or reward (as long as they are keeping the targeted behavior in check). If there are more behavior problems to deal with, then start the process again. If their earned reward stays intact, then they will be even more trusting of the process next time around.

However, as a token of our appreciation for your visit to our website, we’d like to offer you a selection of free printable reward chart downloads.

I know at the time, I would’ve appreciated a quality free reward chart, such as the selection below.

These reward charts charts will load as a PDF file, so you will need to have Adobe Acrobat Reader to view and print the charts. If you don’t have Adobe Reader you can get it for free by clicking this Adobe link.

How to download a free reward chart

Simply click on one of the images below, which will open the PDF file, then click “Save a Copy” and choose where you want to save it to. From there you can open and print it as often as you like. It’s yours!

As you can see our free reward charts are quite elaborate and as such may take a while to download (depending on your Internet connection). Please be patient.

Free Reward Chart Selection

*** Handy Hint ***

Once you print your reward chart, you can make it reusable by getting it laminated. When your kids earn the sticker spot, get them to color it in using whiteboard markers. When the reward chart is completed you can wipe it off and start again!

With younger ones you might consider offering them a list of rewards for kids to choose from. Using material rewards is fine, but understand that the use of non-material rewards is just as important, and in fact can be much more of a powerful motivation for our kids. For example an activity with parents can be particularly rewarding for kids (any time spent with parents is much more important to children than we might acknowledge).

The following list of rewards for kids are suggestions only, and is limited only by your imagination. Generally material rewards should be kept small and inexpensive, but there may be times when a child is overcoming such a large hurdle that it may be appropriate to offer larger, more expensive items. Whichever rewards are chosen to use for our kids however, never underestimate how important your time is for your children.

Smaller rewards for kids may be:

• Crayons, paper, pencils, coloring-in books.

• Bag of marbles.

• Small toy such as plastic animals, cars etc.

• Hire a DVD of your child’s choice.

• Special treat in lunchbox.

• Choosing breakfast, dessert etc.

• Special snack after school.

• Visit to the 2 dollar shop.

Special treats at home as rewards:

• Using the telephone.

• Playing dress ups.

• Having a sleepover with a friend.

• Choosing a TV program.

• Making play-dough.

• Making a cake with mum or dad.

• Planting a pot plant.

Special treats outside home:

• Staying with friends or family.

• Trip to the park.

• Picnic.

• Going to the movies.

• Riding bike.

• Visit the zoo.

• Go swimming.

• Visit the duckpond.

• Going to the beach.

Special rewards for kids involving parents:

• Making biscuits or a cake.

• Extra bedtime story.

• Doing puzzle/craft activities.

• Extra playtime with mum or dad.

• Watching favorite TV program with mum or dad.

Another creative way of using the reward system or reward plan is to have a lucky-dip consisting of many activities written on small separate pieces of paper which your child randomly picks, or one of many small items, such as small toys, pencils, bouncing balls, marbles, toy soldiers, hair clips, bubbles etc. A lucky-dip is always a sure-fire way to excite kids.

Whatever we offer as rewards for kids it is important that they motivate our kids, engage them, appropriately reflects their efforts, and are deliverable.