Behavior modification is an easy concept to grasp, but it tends to be much more difficult to actually put behavior modification techniques into practice. Actually to be more accurate, I should add that it can be much more difficult to effectively put these techniques into action.

For example using the method of timeout as a technique for behavior modification is very easy to implement. ie. a child misbehaves and the parent sends them to their room for 15 minutes. In theory this is correct in that the child has been removed from a situation following bad behavior, and placed in a timeout area for a particular amount of time. In practice however, the effectiveness of this behavior modification technique will be diminished because the timeout has been poorly strategized and implemented (In this example a child’s room is filled with distractions and stimulation’s, and 15 minutes is way too long).

Behavior modification techniques such as timeout, positive discipline, modeling, loss of privileges, positive reinforcement and so on, are only as effective as we allow them to be. Parents need knowledge, consistency, support and patience to make such techniques work effectively. Often this is where the difficulty comes into beginning and maintaining such plans and techniques.

Having the desire to correct bad behavior in a healthy and positive way is a great starting point. The articles below (based on various behavior modification techniques) can hopefully give you some insights and tips to make the process as effective as possible.

What is Timeout?

At its basic, timeout is when we remove children from a situation where they have behaved badly, inappropriately, or dangerously, and place them in a neutral area for a predetermined period of time. They then have a chance to calm down and re-establish control, before re-entering the situation.

The underlying principle of timeout is to take away the element of reinforcement for a set period of time.

Using Timeout Effectively

Establishing the timeout area – This area should be able to be accessed easily, and where your child can be easily monitored. Usually a neutral location with minimal distractions works best. Bedrooms or playrooms where there are toys, book and games would be counterproductive to the principle of timeout, while the kitchen, dining room or hallway would be more likely effective. Placing your child on a chair in such a room is a perfect timeout area.

The amount of time for time out – As a guide, 1 minute per year of the child’s age should be spent in time out. Generally these shorter amounts of time allow the child to calm down, reflect on the reason why they’re in timeout, and before their minds starts to wonder and redirect away from the actual timeout.

The behaviors to target – If you are targeting certain problem behaviors it’s good to let your child know what will “earn” him or her timeout. For example if your child has been making a habit with hitting, then let him know you’re on the lookout for that behavior and if it happens then it’s straight to timeout. Of course your child should be aware that any bad behavior might earn timeout. (remembering that children at a younger developmental level may not know which behaviors are “bad” or inappropriate. In this case educate rather than discipline)

Why Use Timeout?

• Timeout is an effective strategy to stop unwanted behaviors.
• Removes your child from a situation where they may have lost control of themselves, and helps them to calm down and regain control.
• Time out allows your child to reflect on their bad behavior.
• Helps us parents to establish and maintain control.
• Using timeout for children is a much healthier way of disciplining your child (as opposed to spanking or verbal berating).
• Timeout allows your child to re-enter a situation in a positive way.
• Gives us parents a blueprint for how we will handle bad behavior.
• Your child learns to associate their bad behavior to their timeout, rather than blame you for putting them there.

Timeout Procedures

• When you send your child to timeout, state clearly the reason for the timeout. Don’t enter into any further discussion.
• Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time out.
• Don’t discuss the bad behavior after the time out, rather look for opportunities to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.
• During timeout, your child should not be talking, and you shouldn’t be communicating with them at all.
• He or she should not be allowed to play with toys, to listen to the stereo, watch TV, or bang on the furniture.

The Power of Observational Learning

• Observational Learning takes advantage of a child’s natural observational skills, their curiosity, their innate desire to please, and their basic “humanness” in their social connection.
• Possibly the most powerful strategy in modifying or shaping behavior.
• A child naturally observes and models the behaviors of those closest to them. For example a child who constantly observes politeness and kindness in their parents, and how others respond positively to it, is more likely to exhibit these behaviors. Likewise a child who constantly witnesses yelling and bullying in those closest to them are more likely to take on these behaviors when dealing with others.
• Observational Learning takes place automatically. Good or bad, children will learn from the example they witness, particularly from those closest to them. As a parent, your behavior will be the most influential example your child has, particularly while they are younger. Make it a good, strong and positive example.

Setting a positive example for our children to follow, is particularly important at an early age. It’s at this stage of a child’s development that they are most exclusively attached to our social connection (parent/child).

As children grow older, they are exposed to larger social connections and take their behavioral cues from a much wider social group. As your child grows older, particularly approaching and during adolescence, the influence of the examples you set will become less important. Understand that this is also a normal part of growing up and is related to a child’s need to establish their independence.

In practice observational learning as it applies to children, can be one of the most simple parenting strategies and at the same time one of the most difficult. While a seemingly simple process, as any parent knows, at times this would be an extremely difficult principle to follow. Our human nature dictates that we are not perfect as people and we are certainly not perfect as parents, but having an awareness of this concept will make us better parents, more often.

Remember, above all else, and with every effort, set a constant and positive example.

Creating an environment of positive reinforcement

• There are many ways to acknowledge good/appropriate behaviors such as by using praise and encouragement, or by using behavior management tools such as reward charts, token economies, behavior contracts and certificates.
• Create a positive learning atmosphere around your child. Guide them toward appropriate behaviors by reinforcing their good behaviors. Recognize their efforts. Respond to their attempts.
• Ignore their bad or inappropriate behaviors (remember attention is a powerful motivator for children. If you constantly “tell off” your child you are in effect rewarding them with your attention and it is likely that the unwanted behaviors will continue.)

Why use positive reinforcement?

• Positive reinforcement allows our children to feel good about themselves.
• The strategy of positive reinforcement with children is a valuable, effective, and credentialed method of shaping behavior and is used extensively throughout the specialist childhood services, including mental health, medicine and education.
• Positive reinforcement is an accepted and healthy strategy to shape behavior. You are not relying on physical or verbal punishment for short-term compliance.
• The practice of making our kids feel good about themselves rather than bad about themselves, creates a very powerful foundation for our children’s’ positive self-image. This can follow them through childhood, into adolescence, and into adulthood.
• As a strategy to resolve bad or inappropriate behaviors, positive reinforcement, used consistently, is effective for promoting long-term behavioral change. It is not a quick fix solution, and it is not restricted to just short-term gain.
• Utilizing the approach of positive reinforcement, encourages us to be on the lookout for good behavior. Often we overlook desired behaviors because they are not troublesome, and we respond more often to undesired behaviors. Positive reinforcement allows us parents to “catch” ourselves when we fall into this pattern.

By buying into your child’s bad behavior, you are providing them with leverage for the next time they want something. At this point your child has your measure, and they know exactly the buttons to push that give them the results they want.

It’s useful to think of bribing children as essentially rewarding them for something they haven’t yet delivered. When comparing it to the adult world, it’s like an employer paying an employee to carry out work that they “might” do.

Examples of Bribing Children

• Mom and child at the supermarket, grocery shopping. Kid wants a treat, Mom says “no.” Kid starts crying/shouting/demanding. Mom responds “if I give you the treat will you be quiet?” – Kid gets treat.
• Child wants an ice-cream before dinner. Dad says “after dinner.” Child doesn’t accept this and demands the ice-cream “now”. Dad wants to finish cooking so he says “do you promise to eat your dinner if I give you an ice-cream?” – Kid gets ice-cream.
• Kid refuses to do chores unless he can play Play Station first. Parents relent and let him play Playstation hoping the chores will be finished later.

On the other hand, rewarding children (positive reinforcement) should be based on your child being rewarded AFTER they have met their obligations. You’re not “buying” behavior, but rather you are rewarding them for the behavior they have already delivered.

This is healthy for kid’s on many levels, but importantly it gives them the opportunity to learn a very valuable life-lesson. Delayed gratification!

Examples of Positively Rewarding Children

• “If you get ready for bed in the next five minutes, you can have an extra ten minutes of story-time.”
• “After you clean up your room, you can watch TV.”
• “Help me clean up the dinner plates, and you can choose what we’ll have for dinner tomorrow night.”
• And the all-time classic, often called “Grandma’s Rule” – “After you eat your dinner, you can have your dessert.”